My name is Tracy. I am the mother of 4 children. I am writing this Blog because I read another blog and reading that I wasn't the only one living this life was helpful. If reading what I write helps someone else feel like their ok, then I'm happy. My children are 21, 20, 14 and 12. I love them more than I ever thought possible, but for the most part, this is going to be about my youngest, Donny and how he has affected the rest of the family. Donny has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, OCD, anxiety, depression, trichotillamania, Bipolar Disorder and now PTSD. We knew from the time Donny was a baby that something was a little different about him than our other children. As an infant, Donny didn't like to be held like the other children. He preferred to be in his infant seat where he could watch everybody than anywhere else. As a toddler, he didn't take redirection well. He would get very angry and throw exaggerated tantrums. Most toddlers will test the limits but when told "no no" they usually back down. Not Donny. He would often become aggressive. At 3 1/2 years old, it got to the point that I dreaded having to pick him up from daycare because I knew what the drive home was going to be. It would start with him getting out of his car seat. Then when I would pull over to put him back in, he would get aggressive, hitting and kicking and some times even biting. Eventually I would get him back in his seat. My two oldest would try to keep him in his seat so I could drive home. Thats when he would start throwing his shoes and anything else he would grab at my head. Home was about 10 miles from daycare and we usually had to pull over 3 or 4 times. I felt horrible. Nothing that we tried seem to work. My husband and I finally went to speak to the pediatrician. I was in tears and feeling like a failure. As a PreK teacher, part of what I do is work with the parents on effective discipline procedures, but I couldn't figure out how to discipline my own son. I saw myself as a fraud. As we sat there with the pediatrician, he looked at me and asked if I was ready to have the discussion. Nine years later and we are still looking for answers. We haven't really talked about happens. There is a negative stigma attached to mental illness and we didn't want that changing how people thought of Donny. But we've learned that hiding it doesn't help, so I hope that my sharing our experiences, help others.