Communication

One of the hardest things for Donny is communicating to the people around him when he is in distress. For example, right now he is consumed with anxiety about the new school year that is about to begin. He is going to a new school that he doesn't know much about. We went to go visit the school and walk around, but at that time, they didn't know which classroom his class would be using and the principal was still interviewing teachers to fill the position. For the rest of the world, thats just the way life is and we pretty much accept the unknown. For Donny, that puts him into an emotional tailspin. He feels out of control and doesn't know how to explain it. Instead he starts looking for negatives. He behaves negatively to get negative consequences. In fact this morning during a meltdown, Donny said he would rather be back in the Juvenile Detention Center than going to a new school. He doesn't mean it, but its the only way that he knows to express his fears. Donny is doing what he does best. He is being self destructive. He figures then if it doesn't work out then he won't be disappointed.
As his parents, it is hard for us to see him hurting himself and giving up on himself without even trying. Its also hard trying to get him out of these moods where he is purposely looking for trouble. We know that he doesn't mean it, we know that he doesn't really want to be hurt or to hurt, but it is so hard to break through his defenses, to get his attention. Sometimes his pain is so overwhelming that we hold him in our arms and he just bawls, uncontrollably. Then he apologizes once again for being a jerk.
Its also hard for his brother. Drew tends to be the target when Donny wants to cause problems. Like today. Drew was laying on the floor watching tv. Donny sat on the couch and would put his foot on Drew's head. This a problem for two reasons, Donny's feet have caused people to pass out and Drew is 14 and a freshman, his appearance means a lot to him. Donny knows that if he messes with Drew enough, Drew would give him the negative energy that he feeds off of.
When the boys were younger, many times it would end up into a physical fight. As Drew grew up and learned better self control, there were less physical fights and more verbal fights. For Drew its difficult for him to understand whats going on with his younger brother. Its also difficult, because he feels like he is being bullied by his brother, sometimes on a daily basis. He also feels like his little brother gets away with murder while he gets in trouble for everything. He knows that his brother is different, but sometimes he wants things to be "fair" in his mind.
As parents, thats our struggle, trying to fill the needs of both our boys and help them learn how to communicate their feelings with us in a more healthy manner. Its an everyday struggle, but its worth the effort.