Meltdowns

The worst part of living with someone with Bipolar Disorder is the meltdowns. Sometimes we can see Donny starting to escalate but other times it seems to come out of nowhere. The meltdowns consist of verbal aggression and physical aggression. We pretty much live day to day. Donny can have a number of great days and then something happens. Sometimes we have no idea what sets him off. It is much easier figuring that out after a full fledge meltdown than when you see him escalating and not knowing how to stop him before its too late. Once it gets too far, he has lost control of himself. Many times, he has even blanked out what has happened.
When Donny starts to escalate, he usually starts off verbally attacking whoever is around. From the time he was little, he has used language he was sure to get a rise. I have been called a lazy fucking bitch so many times that I couldn't even begin to count. But the one name he is favoring these days is nigger. A little black boy that lived near us when Donny was younger would call Donny that every time they disagreed on something. Donny quickly picked up that that was used to let someone know that you were mad at them. Since then, he has learned that that word tends to get pretty big reactions. He then uses those reactions to build up his own emotional meltdown.
Along with the verbal escalation then comes the physical escalation. When Donny was 3-6, Oscar worked nights. By the time we got home from work, Oscar was going to work. This meant that from the time we got home until Donny fell asleep, I couldn't let Donny out of my sight. I couldn't even go restroom or I would catch Donny chasing his siblings with baseball bats or knives. As he got older, his aggression became more intense. Many times I would have to use all of my strength to restrain Donny so he wouldn't hurt himself or a sibling. In the process I ended up with a share of bruises. Donny was not trying to hurt me, he was just blindly swinging, trying to escape his own demons. Once he starts to gain control again, then he cries with regret. He clings to me or Oscar and just cries. After all that, he is usually tired. Then he forgets that anything has happened.
For the most part these days, we are working with him on calming himself before he escalates. Sometimes it works, other times not so much but he is doing better at targeting the aggression at walls rather than people.
This last October, Donny was beaten up by some boys in our neighborhood to the point that required multiple surgeries. We tried to press charges, but the local police department told us that boys will be boys. They even told the other parents about the medical reports that I had and suggested that they get something so that they wouldn't have to press charges. I'm guessing this was because one of the boys had a grandfather on the force. So from this, PTSD was added to Donny's list of mental disorders. Adding the PTSD to the bipolar disorder meant that we ended up with a keg of dynamite. We just didn't know what would be the flame to light it. We found that out in January. Donny's favorite teacher left to pursue one of those opportunities that change your life. With her leaving, a substitute was brought in. On the fateful day, the sub and the para took the class out for recess. One of the other boys threw Donny's football to a boy that Donny had personality issues with. In the instant, Donny lost it. He attacked the other child, when the substitute tried to intervene, he hit her too with the sticks he had picked up off the playground. At this point he picked up a beer bottle they found and after breaking it, he threatened to kill them with it. The Principal tried to talk Donny down. This is a man that has known Donny since he was born. Donny has loved and respected him for many years, but on this afternoon, none of that mattered. He even attacked the officer that he has gotten along with for years. What comes next will be a whole other post. Just suffice it to say, as the officer was explaining to me about what happened, Donny didn't remember a lot of the details. What I find scariest is just how quickly he escalates to the point of physical aggression but then to have no recollection of it.
As I said, he is going to therapy to try to learn coping skills. Bipolar disorder doesn't just go away. We are all learning how best to cope and to have as "normal" of a life as we can.