The System

After Donny's meltdown in January, we learned more than we like about the system. Donny spent two months in the Juvenile Detention Center while the courts tried to figure out the best way to handle the situation. During that two months the courts paid for Donny to go through up to date psych testing. He also received counseling on a daily basis. He was suppose to be getting schooling while he was there also, but it didn't seem that he made it an entire week without being put on room confinement. My husband and I were able to see him for 15 minutes on Monday nights and Wednesday nights. On Saturdays we were able to see him twice for 15 minutes. All of these meetings were through a window. Toward the end of the 2 months, the judge granted us a slightly longer physical visitation so that we could hug our son and actually hold his hands while we visited. Before this had happened, Donny was never away from us. After he had been assaulted in October, he slept in our bed. He had just begun sleeping in his own room when the world exploded on us. The day Donny flipped out at school was a Thursday. I went to the school. The had him kneeling with his hands cuffed behind his back. I remember fussing at Donny. I got down and was face to face with my baby. I told him that I didn't understand why he did what he did. I repeated what I have been telling him for as long as I could remember. "Actions have consequences" I told him that the police were taking him to JDC and that there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. I didn't hug him. I thought there would be an opportunity soon after that. I didn't realize that the next time I would be able to touch my baby would be almost 2 months later. I left the school to go pick up Donny's prescriptions and take them to the JDC. At that time I found out that I wouldn't be able to see my son until Saturday morning. To this day, I can not put into words just how totally devastated I was. I wasn't even sure what to do. I couldn't think. During this time in our lives, there was a huge strain between my husband and me. We could barely look at each other. When we actually spoke to each other, it was difficult. I began sleeping in Donny's bed. Partly because it made me feel connected to him still and partly cause it was easier than fighting with Oscar at night. On top of everything else going on, Drew was lost. He was so angry at himself. He figured that maybe if he had been around to stop the other boys from beating Donny up then maybe none of this would have happened. In his mind, he was the big brother and he should have protected his little brother. He felt like he had failed his brother and us. Even though the two bickered on a daily basis (like most brothers) Drew would wander around the house and yard, lost and bored.
Every other week, we would meet in the courtroom with the Judge, the DA, the PO and our court appointed attorney. One of the recommendation made was parent classes for parenting children with mental illness. This was a turning point for us. We started feeling a bit more empowered as parents. Oscar and I started working through our differences and coming together as a team. This is how I became aware of NAMI. NAMI gave us some tools, but they also gave us hope. I did learn from them that there is an increasing number of emotionally disabled children in the system.
Our concern became Donny getting comfortable within the system. We really picked up force in our efforts to get him released. And we were successful. But it was temporary. Donny came home and the district said he had to either go to Bootcamp or Alternative Learning Center. Considering that Donny had tried to kill himself twice in JDC, I really was afraid that if he went to Bootcamp that he might try again. I feared that the more times he tried, the greater chances he would succeed. So we put him at ALC. that ended up not being a good situation. Either the teachers didn't know how to work with children with mental illness or they just didn't care. And Donny felt their indifference. On Monday of his second week there, he was so desperate to escape that he ended up pulling the fire alarm thinking that would give him the chance to leave. He was taken straight to JDC. That night during our visit, we were trying to understand what happened. The school hadn't contacted us to tell us anything. All we knew was that the police officer that transported him told Oscar that he had pulled the fire alarm. Donny was upset and his recollections were confused. He told us though that the principal of the ALC told the police in front of him that she never wanted that child on her campus again and that the officer agreed with her. As Donny was telling us this, he began weeping. He was devastated by their statements and I was devastated because as my son sat there weeping, I couldn't hug him. It took us about another 3 weeks before the judge released him again. This time when he was released, they told him if he came back again, they would be placing him in a psychiatric care facility. They also have provided with a great psychiatrist and a counselor that is willing to think outside of the box to help him be successful. My son is very lucky. He has so many people that love him. So many people that are on his side, wanting him to be successful. It breaks my heart to hear about the children in JDC that have no one. No one to come and visit them, no one to say they care, no one to fight for them, no one to just hug them when they are down. There are times that Donny makes my blood boil and he drives me to the brink of frustration, but never have I not loved him. Right now we are working as a family to heal. I thank God everyday for this opportunity and pray that after he finishes his year of probation, that we won't have to deal with the system anymore other than the psych visits. I also pray for those boys and girls that have no one. I hope they find the strength to find a better path for their lives.