We are like everyone else. Sometimes it is nice to get away. The difference is our trips tend to not be tranquil or boring. Traveling with Donny is a masters degree in patience. It doesn't take him long to become bored, even though he tends to pack more things than he could ever hope to use on the trip. On top of what he packs, I usually pack the portable DVD player and his Nintendo ds. Donny also has issues with feeling claustrophobic. When the 4 kids and I would drive to Iowa from Houston, he would have a really hard time. Usually about Dallas, he would start picking fights with his siblings or he would throw a tantrum. I would usually end up pulling over to referee the ensuing fight, which usually ended up with me either restraining Donny or spanking him or both. Then again in Missouri and if it was a particularly difficult trip, somewhere along Interstate 80. What we have discovered in the last few years is that he is acting out because his anxiety level is skyrocketing and he doesn't know how to express what he is feeling. His emotions are so chaotic and twisted up and he just couldn't get a grasp of what he was feeling.
This weekend, we drove the 5 hours down to Edinburg, TX for my nephew's 4th birthday. We were about 45 minutes from Edinburg and he started. He started picking at Drew, trying to start a fight. Then he started with me, at one point throwing something that ended up hitting me in the ear. We were finally able to talk him down and Oscar was questioning him about what feelings he was having and why didn't he use his words to tell us what he was feeling before they got that bad. On the way home, we had one bad tantrum. We pulled over and stretched our legs. Donny and Oscar talked about what was going on with Donny. A couple of hours later, Donny got my attention to tell me he was starting to get anxious and the frustration was causing him to get angry. We were able to help him calm his anxiety and avoided another tantrum. Donny being able to voice his feelings to avoid a tantrum was HUGE! Besides the obvious avoidance of the tantrum, his voicing his feelings in an appropriate manner is something we have been working on for years. Tonight, I'm doing the happy dance. Don't worry. I know that tomorrow we could very well be back where we were yesterday, but if he could do it once, he could do it again.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
September
Its been a while since I have posted. Between my classroom and the boys' school, it has been a bit crazy. Donny did well the first couple of weeks of school. Now that the work has gotten harder, we are starting to have some struggles. When Donny gets frustrated because he doesn't understand something or he gets overwhelmed when he looks at something that looks like a lot, he doesn't communicate how he is feeling. Its like he doesn't know how to or he thinks its just easier to act out. He is looking for a way to escape the situation. Sometimes I wonder if he even realizes what he is doing. We are working on his communication skills and hopefully, with consistent encouragement, he will begin communicating his feelings.
I want to use my communication skills right now. Tonight I was catching up on Facebook. I came across a simple posting of a relative and friend. Two other women took over her post and in the end, they were not being very nice. The reason I am bringing this up, is one of the ladies made some blanket statements that I have heard numerous times from various sources. She made a comment about serial killers coming from broken homes and being abused. There were some comments about criminals and mental illness.
The first point I want to make is, mental illness knows no boundaries. Anyone could be affected by it. It doesn't care how many parents a child has or how much income. My son comes from a two parent family who have been there for him. The one thing we heard over and over again while dealing with the courts, is that it was not common for these children to have two parents that were so involved in their child's life. Our son has not been abused but he has been disciplined. One of the many doctors we have seen over the years said to me once that one in ten people with ADHD has other issues too.
The other point I want to make is that just because a person struggles with mental illness, does not mean they are bad people. When Donny is having a good day, he is loving and fun to be around. He can be so thoughtful and caring. He has an unusual sense of humor and an inquisitive mind. He also has an intelligence that his school work doesn't show.
The third point I want to make is that society has for some reason made it ok to make snap judgements about people. People are encouraged to voice their opinions without knowing all the facts. I'm going to be a bit cliche and suggest that things might not be what they seem. Also, don't judge a book by its cover. Without knowing the whole story, you really shouldn't judge others. I have a friend whose nephew was charged as a child molester cuz at 17, he was doing what boys do (so I've been told) and his 4 year old cousin ran into his room followed by the mother. The mother pressed charges that he exposed himself to her daughter. With Donny, I have heard more times than I could even count that his problem is that he needs to be spanked. Been there, done that, it only made his behavior worse. So my challenge to you, try to not judge others, you might not know the whole story. Think about how you would feel if someone judged you without knowing all the facts.
I want to use my communication skills right now. Tonight I was catching up on Facebook. I came across a simple posting of a relative and friend. Two other women took over her post and in the end, they were not being very nice. The reason I am bringing this up, is one of the ladies made some blanket statements that I have heard numerous times from various sources. She made a comment about serial killers coming from broken homes and being abused. There were some comments about criminals and mental illness.
The first point I want to make is, mental illness knows no boundaries. Anyone could be affected by it. It doesn't care how many parents a child has or how much income. My son comes from a two parent family who have been there for him. The one thing we heard over and over again while dealing with the courts, is that it was not common for these children to have two parents that were so involved in their child's life. Our son has not been abused but he has been disciplined. One of the many doctors we have seen over the years said to me once that one in ten people with ADHD has other issues too.
The other point I want to make is that just because a person struggles with mental illness, does not mean they are bad people. When Donny is having a good day, he is loving and fun to be around. He can be so thoughtful and caring. He has an unusual sense of humor and an inquisitive mind. He also has an intelligence that his school work doesn't show.
The third point I want to make is that society has for some reason made it ok to make snap judgements about people. People are encouraged to voice their opinions without knowing all the facts. I'm going to be a bit cliche and suggest that things might not be what they seem. Also, don't judge a book by its cover. Without knowing the whole story, you really shouldn't judge others. I have a friend whose nephew was charged as a child molester cuz at 17, he was doing what boys do (so I've been told) and his 4 year old cousin ran into his room followed by the mother. The mother pressed charges that he exposed himself to her daughter. With Donny, I have heard more times than I could even count that his problem is that he needs to be spanked. Been there, done that, it only made his behavior worse. So my challenge to you, try to not judge others, you might not know the whole story. Think about how you would feel if someone judged you without knowing all the facts.
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