My baby

I picked Donny up from school this afternoon to go to his weekly counseling appointment. He was a bit hyper and silly, talking 100 mph.  As we leave the parking lot, I sneezed violently and had to cover my mouth. Donny started screaming at me to put two hands on the wheel and then was crying that he didn't want to die. This seemed a bit melodramatic considering the car never swerved or anything, but just as quickly he changed again and was talking 100 mph again. Then he mentioned food so I knew we were ok for the moment.

We made it to counseling. Then on the way home he made another interesting comment. He said he was mad at God for making him this way. He immediately looked skyward at tells God "I love you but why did you have to make me this way. I don't like being like this."

What's a mom to say to something like that? I understand his frustration. Sometimes he feels like he doesn't have control of his own thoughts. I told him that no matter what I love him. I also told him that God doesn't make mistakes. That everything happens for a reason and maybe someday he'll understand the reason. The whole time my heart was breaking because I too have questioned why.

Why does my son have bipolar disorder? Why does he have to be so difficult to get along with others. Why does he have to destroy his room as quickly as we organize it? Why us? Then there are my son's questions. Why can't I have food with dye in it? Why don't I have friends? Why can't I be like other children? Why did God make me like this? 

I don't have the answers. I'm not even sure they matter. What matters is that I love my son, no matter what. Together our family is learning how to cope with Donny's mental illnesses. There are good days and there are bad days. Some days have good moments and rough moments. We just take each day as it comes and thank God for our blessings.